Feeling reflective today. There was a great celebration this past weekend...I was surrounded by love and support. So many gathered to share in our marriage milestone of 20 years! WOW! Seems like YESTERDAY I was 24 approaching 25 years old. Where did the time go? I was newly married, just beginning to discover what life was about. I set out with the intention to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful man. He made me happy, made me smile. Shared my love of music and wanted to grow together with me into a life of love and adventure.
What I didn't know then was that this life we embarked on would not be full of sunshine, roses and rainbows. In fact there would be moments of testing and trials that a lot of the relationships around us could not and did not survive. Truth is 5 years ago, we almost called it quits too. Almost ended up among the thousands of broken families and relationships that end daily. How did we come back from the dark recesses of hurt feelings and angry words? What made us different? What changed? Although I never thought about it before, I have come to realize the only word that sums it up is CHOICE.
I mean please understand that yes, we put in the work. We read "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. We even attended one of his seminars. Over the past year we strengthened our commitment by joining a marriage group at our church. God was gracious and loving as always, but we had to choose love. This past weekend when I was asked what I know now that I didn't know then, what would I say to my 24 year old self? As I pondered that thought the one thing I would tell my younger self, what I will tell my daughter is that you must CHOOSE TO LOVE. True love is not some magic spell you "fall" under. It's not at all like the fairy tales tell us it should be, Yes I was unexpectedly swept off my feet by this man. He was handsome and caring, witty and fun. He drove a cool car and made me feel like I was the ONLY woman in the world. That day 20 years ago when I put my hand in his, I did so knowing that he would take care of me. That is the stuff fairy tales are made of. What the story books leave out is that LIFE happens. All the stuff that you learned as a kid, all the examples of marriage that you have been given, bills, kids, illness. These are the times you must CHOOSE TO LOVE.
I mean please understand that yes, we put in the work. We read "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. We even attended one of his seminars. Over the past year we strengthened our commitment by joining a marriage group at our church. God was gracious and loving as always, but we had to choose love. This past weekend when I was asked what I know now that I didn't know then, what would I say to my 24 year old self? As I pondered that thought the one thing I would tell my younger self, what I will tell my daughter is that you must CHOOSE TO LOVE. True love is not some magic spell you "fall" under. It's not at all like the fairy tales tell us it should be, Yes I was unexpectedly swept off my feet by this man. He was handsome and caring, witty and fun. He drove a cool car and made me feel like I was the ONLY woman in the world. That day 20 years ago when I put my hand in his, I did so knowing that he would take care of me. That is the stuff fairy tales are made of. What the story books leave out is that LIFE happens. All the stuff that you learned as a kid, all the examples of marriage that you have been given, bills, kids, illness. These are the times you must CHOOSE TO LOVE.
I Corinthians 13:3-7 in The Message bible says:
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
When I read this passage, I am reminded that all of theses things are actions. Love never gives up-you can CHOOSE not to quit. Isn't always "me first"-you can CHOOSE to put the needs of others above your own. Trusts God Always-again trust God or don't, your choice. in my book this means we must CHOOSE TO LOVE. In the context of this chapter, it seems easy. It's clearly a blueprint for how we should live our lives. This does not ONLY apply in romantic relationships. We must CHOOSE TO LOVE in ALL of our relationships. Living this way will make us better, Mother's, Wives, SISTERS and Friends!
Please hear my heart in this I am NOT saying that you CHOOSE to love when you are being abused. NO ONE is allowed to cause you harm. YOU DESERVE TO BE SAFE AND CARED FOR. YOU ARE PRECIOUS and should be treated as such. In these cases you must STILL CHOOSE TO LOVE. You have to CHOOSE TO LOVE YOURSELF!
Love is like a garden, you have to carefully tend to it. You must fight off the pestilence that comes to feed on the fruit of your labor and be sure to harvest it often. It's not enough to plant the seeds, you have to actively participate and keep guard so that those fledgling plants have the opportunity to grow to full maturity. It's this kind of care that has allowed me the grace to celebrate what God has done in my life. This does not mean I think I have arrived, in fact my eyes have been opened to the fact that I must tend my garden more carefully now than ever before. I am learning more everyday that the relationships in our lives are special. We cannot take anyone for granted. Even the ones that challenge our love a little, deserve grace. Maybe you haven't spent time in your garden lately, maybe some weeds have grown and choked the good plants. Perhaps others are in need of water and attention. You may even need to brace a few with some plant stakes. I encourage you to take the time. See the best part about love is that even when it is broken, it can be repaired.
My challenge to you today is to CHOOSE TO LOVE. Make that phone call to the one you haven't spoken to in awhile, forgive someone of a wrong that has been done. Forgive yourself for past mistakes made. CHOOSE TO LOVE. If you don't CHOOSE it and FIGHT for it, you WILL lose it...always remember I CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU my sister, just the way you are. Be Blessed...
TBYRD
Love is like a garden, you have to carefully tend to it. You must fight off the pestilence that comes to feed on the fruit of your labor and be sure to harvest it often. It's not enough to plant the seeds, you have to actively participate and keep guard so that those fledgling plants have the opportunity to grow to full maturity. It's this kind of care that has allowed me the grace to celebrate what God has done in my life. This does not mean I think I have arrived, in fact my eyes have been opened to the fact that I must tend my garden more carefully now than ever before. I am learning more everyday that the relationships in our lives are special. We cannot take anyone for granted. Even the ones that challenge our love a little, deserve grace. Maybe you haven't spent time in your garden lately, maybe some weeds have grown and choked the good plants. Perhaps others are in need of water and attention. You may even need to brace a few with some plant stakes. I encourage you to take the time. See the best part about love is that even when it is broken, it can be repaired.
My challenge to you today is to CHOOSE TO LOVE. Make that phone call to the one you haven't spoken to in awhile, forgive someone of a wrong that has been done. Forgive yourself for past mistakes made. CHOOSE TO LOVE. If you don't CHOOSE it and FIGHT for it, you WILL lose it...always remember I CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU my sister, just the way you are. Be Blessed...
TBYRD
