Choose it or lose it!!

Feeling reflective today. There was a great celebration this past weekend...I was surrounded by love and support. So many gathered to share in our marriage milestone of 20 years! WOW! Seems like YESTERDAY I was 24 approaching 25 years old. Where did the time go? I was newly married, just beginning to discover what life was about. I set out with the intention to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful man. He made me happy, made me smile. Shared my love of music and wanted to grow together with me into a life of love and adventure. 

What I didn't know then was that this life we embarked on would not be full of sunshine, roses and rainbows. In fact there would be moments of testing and trials that a lot of the relationships around us could not and did not survive. Truth is 5 years ago, we almost called it quits too. Almost ended up among the thousands of broken families and relationships that end daily. How did we come back from the dark recesses of hurt feelings and angry words? What made us different? What changed? Although I never thought about it before, I have come to realize the only word that sums it up is CHOICE.

I mean please understand that yes, we put in the work. We read "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. We even attended one of his seminars. Over the past year we strengthened our commitment by joining a marriage group at our church. God was gracious and loving as always, but we had to choose love. This past weekend when I was asked what I know now that I didn't know then, what would I say to my 24 year old self? As I pondered that thought the one thing I would tell my younger self, what I will tell my daughter is that you must CHOOSE TO LOVE. True love is not some magic spell you "fall" under. It's not at all like the fairy tales tell us it should be, Yes I was unexpectedly swept off my feet by this man. He was handsome and caring, witty and fun. He drove a cool car and made me feel like I was the ONLY woman in the world. That day 20 years ago when I put my hand in his, I did so knowing that he would take care of me. That is the stuff fairy tales are made of. What the story books leave out is that LIFE happens. All the stuff that you learned as a kid, all the examples of marriage that you have been given, bills, kids, illness. These are the times you must CHOOSE TO LOVE.

I Corinthians 13:3-7 in The Message bible says:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

 

 

When I read this passage, I am reminded that all of theses things are actions. Love never gives up-you can CHOOSE not to quit. Isn't always "me first"-you can CHOOSE to put the needs of others above your own. Trusts God Always-again trust God or don't, your choice. in my book this means we must CHOOSE TO LOVE. In the context of this chapter, it seems easy. It's clearly a blueprint for how we should live our lives. This does not ONLY apply in romantic relationships. We must CHOOSE TO LOVE in ALL of our relationships. Living this way will make us better, Mother's, Wives, SISTERS and Friends!

Please hear my heart in this I am NOT saying that you CHOOSE to love when you are being abused. NO ONE is allowed to cause you harm. YOU DESERVE TO BE SAFE AND CARED FOR. YOU ARE PRECIOUS and should be treated as such. In these cases you must STILL CHOOSE TO LOVE. You have to CHOOSE TO LOVE YOURSELF!

Love is like a garden, you have to carefully tend to it. You must fight off the pestilence that comes to feed on the fruit of your labor and be sure to harvest it often. It's not enough to plant the seeds, you have to actively participate and keep guard so that those fledgling plants have the opportunity to grow to full maturity. It's this kind of care that has allowed me the grace to celebrate what God has done in my life. This does not mean I think I have arrived, in fact my eyes have been opened to the fact that I must tend my garden more carefully now than ever before. I am learning more everyday that the relationships in our lives are special. We cannot take anyone for granted. Even the ones that challenge our love a little, deserve grace. Maybe you haven't spent time in your garden lately, maybe some weeds have grown and choked the good plants. Perhaps others are in need of water and attention. You may even need to brace a few with some plant stakes. I encourage you to take the time. See the best part about love is that even when it is broken, it can be repaired.

My challenge to you today is to CHOOSE TO LOVE. Make that phone call to the one you haven't spoken to in awhile, forgive someone of a wrong that has been done. Forgive yourself for past mistakes made. CHOOSE TO LOVE. If you don't CHOOSE it and FIGHT for it, you WILL lose it...always remember I CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU my sister, just the way you are. Be Blessed...


TBYRD

 

Everything must change...

Transition:

tran·si·tion
tranˈziSHən,-ˈsiSHən/
noun
1.
the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
"students in transition from one program to another"
 

My mom got a phone call today from another sister whose mother-in-law recently passed away. I also have several sisters who currently have loved ones in hospice care. This made me think of all the wonderful people in my life that have passed through. I began to reflect on what I learned from them and all the beautiful gifts I have received from each one of them. Among them there are some pretty daring "SHERO's"...as I remember each of them I smile. I remember what their transitions were like. for some I was present when they crossed over. For other's I had just visited or talked with them. Some were sick awhile and dropped some final "science" on me. Some were here today and a sweet memory the next. But for each there was a distinct and definite transition.

Perhaps it is my rapidly approaching 45th birthday that has me thinking of my own life and the transitions I am taking. Maybe I am feeling the "disturbance in the force" as those who are close to me help their beloved make the final leg of the journey. I am in prayer for all those who are taking the journey as well as those who will be left to mourn them.

I remember the last time I sat with my Grandmother before she went home to be with the Lord. I had just found out I was pregnant with my youngest child. I had commented to a co-worker that I was going home to NY to visit with my Grandmother and say my goodbyes. My co-worker told me "don't say that". I remember telling her, "it's ok, you see this beautiful, sweet, loving lady, who has taught me so much in my life is going to give me one final lesson, she is going to teach me how to let her go." I spent that week with Grandma,  we laughed as we reminisced about the journey we had taken together. I asked her who was gonna help me take care of this new baby. She just smiled...she told me how she has been reading the book of revelation and reminded me that "That is where we all want to be" with the Lord in Heaven, where there is no more sorrow, no more pain and nothing but joy. We told each other how much we loved one another. We ate all her favorite foods and just soaked up every minute together. The morning I left she walked me to the car and even let me take her picture. She stood at the front door, waving and blowing kisses to me, like she had done so many days before as I would leave for school or work. Two months later I spoke to her over the phone sang her a song, told her how much I loved her and said goodbye. That afternoon, Mommy called to say she was gone...

Transition: The process or period of changing from one state or condition to another. The process...until now I always associated this word with death, the passing of a dear soul. Today I found out that the Monarch butterfly goes through 4 stages in it's life and through 4 generations in one year.   The four stages of the monarch butterfly life cycle are the egg, the larvae (caterpillar), the pupa (chrysalis), and the adult butterfly. The four generations are actually four different butterflies going through these four stages during one year until it is time to start over again with stage one and generation one. The fourth generation of monarch butterflies is a little bit different than the first three generations. The fourth generation is born in September and October and goes through exactly the same process as the first, second and third generations except for one part. The fourth generation of monarch butterflies does not die after two to six weeks. Instead, this generation of monarch butterflies migrates to warmer climates like Mexico and California and will live for six to eight months until it is time to start the whole process over again. (http://www.monarch-butterfly.com/)
I know your probably thinking what I was thinking when I heard this...SO? What's that got to do with me? Then suddenly I could see it clearly, We women start out as the little egg, we are born and live our childhood years(the caterpillar), we bloom into our teenage years(the chrysalis) and then finally exit our cocoon as the adult butterfly. And unlike generations before us, we can choose to migrate through life and live on to share our beauty and strength with those around us. You see God has gifted you to bring the same light and joy that the sight of the Monarch butterfly brings. You were hand-crafted and hand picked by Him to do what only YOU can do! Your Talents, your smile, the sound of your voice that gives comfort to another. These are all the Marvelous gifts He has placed within you.

Are you at your cross-roads? Do you feel like everything around you is shifting? Is there a desire on the inside of you calling you to something greater than yourself? I want to encourage you don't shy away from it. RUN TO THE ROAR! You see in the transition of death, or as the bible calls it when this mortal flesh puts on immortality, there is a complete transformation. You are no longer confined to the human body and therefore no longer of this world. As Grandma said you will be where we all long to be. It was ok for her to feel that way, because she knew she had completed the work God intended for her to do. I'm FEELING a transition of a different sort, maybe it's that business you always wanted to start, perhaps it's those 10 pounds you have been promising yourself to take off. Maybe you want to go back to school, but have been afraid to try it. Sister, I encourage you today to make the decision to let your faith be bigger than your fear. Cause one thing we know from our loved ones and the Butterfly, life is short and tomorrow isn't promised to us! My final note:

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Matthew 6:33 MSG

Blessing on your Journey! Love ya!
-----TBYRD
#SISTERHOOD


 

Welcome to the hood...

I got a text from one of my Baby girl sisters, allow me to explain...she falls into this category in my head not because she is a baby in any way. She is about 20 years my junior, and according to Wendy Williams I am now a "woman of a particular age" LOL! Anyway she reached out to me the other day and asked me to come pray with her. In church on Sunday, our pastor spoke about the redwoods of California...apparently these trees can grow to heights of over 300 feet yet their roots only grow up to 3-4 feet deep. He went on to explain that even though the roots only go 3 feet deep, at that point they begin to grow outwardly and intertwine themselves with the other redwoods in the forest, thus making them indestructible to storms. You see as their roots connect and hold onto each other they continue to grow and soar into the air. Even after a tree dies in a lot of cases it will continue to stand because the roots of the other trees hold it up!

He used this illustration to show us that this is what happens when we lock arms and pray. As my sweet Baby girl sister reached out to me to come pray with her I was moved to tears. We prayed with and for each other and it was such a blessing to share that moment together. We women need to be like those redwoods...NO ONE LEFT BEHIND! We need to lock arms and hold each other up! Not only in prayer, but in EVERY way. Support HER dreams, help HER hold onto the vision God gave HER of what her family and marriage would look like. Remind her how FIERCE she is and if that man she's dating doesn't treat her like his QUEEN then he doesn't get a shot at being her King! Don't hold her to YOUR standard, kick her when she's down, lift her up, remind her that she too can be 300 feet tall! A warrior princess. Let her know she is NOT alone!

I'm asking you again to think about it, reach out to another sister today, take a moment to connect heart to heart...there are a lot of women facing ALOT of storms but if we hold each other up then then the words of Isaiah 54:17 will be true for us all...
" no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,
    and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
    and their vindication[a] from me, declares the Lord.”

I told ya'll yesterday I am not sure why I have to write these words, but I am sure that they need to be spoken. Today I locked arms and intertwined hearts with another amazing, smart, GORGEOUS sister. Someone God hand picked to be in my life. Another member of the forest...my hood, the SISTERHOOD. Be blessed...

 

-----TBYRD
#SISTERHOOD

The True Measure of Sisterhood...

I have been promising myself and God that I would write this blog...I have been contemplating and mulling over, and giving many excuses to myself of "why not." Who wants to read what I have to say? Do I REALLY have something to say? Is this my TRUE purpose? Do I even know HOW to blog? Will I have to do it EVERYDAY? For the past year now, I have been hearing the small whisper...sisterhood...I have so many incredible women in my life. I have been blessed to know, love and be loved by so many. From Professors to stay-at-home moms, tall, short, thin, thick. Creative, powerful, strong, vibrant BEAUTIFUL women. I hear that whisper again...sisterhood. I hear it in the wee hours of the morning, I hear it in my quiet prayer time. Sisterhood...I know that small still voice, it is the voice of my God, my Savior, My King...he has been whispering that one word to me for the past year. I hesitated to act because I could not see what the path is...I know there is a greater cause and purpose at work, more than just me sitting to a computer to type at 1:13am.

I have waited, watched and prayed. All the while He whispers that word again...sisterhood. Last night He said more:

 TRUE SISTERHOOD is not in the DNA or chemical composition of a woman. TRUE SISTERHOOD is found in the arms that hold you when you feel like a failure, the heart that gives, even when SHE is in need. It can be heard in the voice that calls "just because", or seen in the eyes that shed tears when you,  her sister is in pain. The woman that prays FOR you and WITH you. She who will tell you your stuff stinks and lend you her favorite purse, yet fight to the death anyone who does you wrong THIS IS YOUR SISTER!  I have been truly blessed with both women who share my DNA and the sisters that God hand picked just for me!

My heart breaks because as blessed as I have been, I know the sting of being humiliated by a "mean girl", snubbed by the girl who thought she had everything. Most of the time even as grown women we won't give a compliment to another woman who is looking fabulous! If we do it sounds a little something like "you look nice today". I have often wondered does that mean I look like something the cat dragged in every other day?! Ten years ago I decided along with a dear sister-friend of mine to break that cycle. We made an agreement that if we encounter a woman who is fierce, we would be sure to tell her so. Over the years this practice has brought a lot of joy to a lot of women, but the most wonderful gift I received from doing this has been contentment. I no longer wonder what that woman is thinking about me. Quite honestly it doesn't matter, see I realized that she is not my competition or a threat, she is a flesh and blood human being with the same insecurities and fears as me. Me telling her how awesome she is allows me to be confident in who I am. At the end of the day we were all fearfully and wonderfully made.

I want to challenge you. Begin to give real compliments, "Girl, you are workin' those shoes!" "Hey miss lady, you looking fabulous!"(leave out the today part, it just sounds better).  Now I talk to everyone, even strangers in the mall...maybe you don't feel comfortable enough to do that, no worries...start with your co-workers, or a friend. Shoot look in the mirror and compliment yo'self! The point is let's put an end to the negative talk and start the conversation about love, respect and TRUE SISTERHOOD.

Remember no matter what you are facing, no matter how great or insignificant you may feel. You have a Sister in me, I promise to love you, pray for you, walk this journey with you. No JUDGEMENTS. No FEAR of rejection. NO PROBLEM to hard for our GOD....and so it begins...


-----TBYRD
#SISTERHOOD